Back on New Year’s Day, I told you about how I was focusing on being a conscious bride and shared that I was reading a book aptly titled “The Conscious Bride” by Sheryl Paul. It was a quick read – around 220 pages in length.
In her book, Paul covers issues EVERY bride needs to think about as she nears the wedding.
Eloquently written with testimonials and first-hand perspectives from brides and wives peppered throughout the book, the wisdom and realism I gleaned were priceless.
Of the many, many nuggets of enlightenment I ascertained, here are two of my favorites:
“Perfection belongs to the gods: completeness and wholeness is the most a human can hope for.” (page 89)
“The fairy tale of happiness ever after cannot be taken seriously; it belongs to the neverland of childhood, which is protected from the realities that will become terribly known soon enough.” (page 90)
These are some pretty strong messages, huh? They’re also remarkably opposite of how the media (and society in general) tend to view how the bride should feel/be/act throughout the entire engagement and wedding process.
I’ve seen so many brides (and mothers-of-the-brides) fret over the tiniest details of the big day. And I totally get it. Us girls are groomed, from a VERY young age, to desire perfection, transformation, completion, wholeness, etc. We’re given…dress up clothes. Pretend make-up kits. Bride-to-be Barbie dolls. Kitchen play sets. A plastic vacuum cleaner with small multi-colored balls that pop and light up when it’s moved. All things we will one day get to “enjoy” once we’re old enough and thrust into the real world. Then BAM! Here we are. Twenty years later. In the middle of our stacks of laundry, dreading the idea of stepping into the kitchen to whip up a meal and avoiding the vacuum cleaner as long as possible.
Perhaps things aren’t necessarily as complete or perfect as we thought they’d be at this point in life…with age and wisdom comes the realization that life isn’t perfect. As much as we TRY to plan and make our big day as perfect as we’ve imagined it throughout all these years…the most we can truly hope for is completeness and wholeness.
That being said, I urge any brides reading this to take a step back and think about things for a moment. Are you freaking out over centerpieces? Have you snapped at one of your bridesmaids lately? Are you kinda confused about things? Perhaps a little sad? Not sure about who you are these days, much less who you’ll become after the wedding?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, IT’S OKAY. There. I said it. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect. Something probably will go wrong that day. So just identify and accept that fact and move on. At the end of the day, all that truly matters is that a marriage takes place and you and your new husband get to celebrate with your closest friends and family.
Also realize that it’s okay to be confused or feel unlike yourself. Paul identifies the engagement and wedding as a rite of passage – a death to the old self and birth of a new self – of a new way of life. IT’S OKAY to slow down, look inward and grieve for this loss or relinquishment of old identity. Be denying this process, you’re simply prolonging the frustration and grief.
I’m VERY thankful that Mrs. Liza Hippler, bridal coach and owner of Maiden to Married, encouraged me to read this book. Whether you’re a bride, a friend, a wife, a mother or someone just looking for a great, insightful read, I highly recommend “The Conscious Bride”.
As I continue to march toward our wedding day, I’m slowly letting go of the childhood fairy tale fantasy of perfection and I’m striving toward being present and whole in every moment leading up to and beyond my vows with Philip.
“The Conscious Bride” – Amazon.com
Sheryl Paul’s Conscious Weddings
Big Spoon+Little Spoon (another Nashville bride/groom) also reviewed “The Conscious Bride”
